http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/17/opinion/the-exclusive-eight-high-schools.html?partner=rssnyt&emc=rss
An editorial posted on October 16, 2012, called "The Exclusive Eight", talks about a complaint that was made with the United States Department of Education over some admissions policies of New York City's "specialized" high schools. The compliant focuses on a two and a half hour multiple choice test that determines who gets admitted to these high schools. The author uses many examples of diction, details, and syntax to get the point of this debate across.
There was a lot of diction in this editorial that I saw. Most of it was pejorative, as well. For example, in the very first sentence of this editorial where the author says, "Mayor Michael Bloomberg of New York City was distressingly dismissive this month..." has two examples of pejorative diction right in a row. The author's use of the words "distressingly" and "dismissive" in the sentence gives the topic a more serious feel. Another example of some diction in this editorial was when the author said, "...highlights a serious problem that has festered for decades,". The word "festering" is most definitely an example of pejorative diction in the article. This gives off the feeling that this problem has been around for a while, but it isn't getting any better. The problem is just getting messier. The use of the word "festering" in that sentence is also an example of figurative language for the same reason. It gives off the feeling that the problem has been around for a while, and that the problem is continuously getting worse, just like something that would be festering.
Details was something else that I saw a lot of in this editorial. The author chose to state in the in the sixth paragraph that this test favors families that can provide their kids with expensive tutors and prep-courses because the test material is not covered in many middle schools. When I read this, I got the feeling that the schools only want to admit people that can afford things like this. I felt that the author was trying to state his or her opinion by saying this, too. That this is completely unfair to the kids and the families who cannot afford this. Another example of details is in the third paragraph where the author says, "The complaint, filed by a coalition including the NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund...". The authors decision to include the names of the groups involved in this debate make the whole problem seem more serious. I think the author is trying to show by adding that detail was that this is not a problem to take lightly if these types of groups are getting involved, and it also puts a negative light on the whole thing.
Lastly, I saw some syntax in this editorial that puts emphasis on certain things. For example, in the eighth paragraph, it starts off with a short sentence, "All this would be bad enough." and goes on to describe two other arguments that were made by civil rights lawyers. The short sentence puts a lot of emphasis on what comes after it. Again, it made everything seem more serious. Most of the syntax that I saw in the editorial had to do with short sentences putting emphasis on what comes after it.
Overall, the author did a nice job of incorporating some literary techniques that gets the point of this debate across. Everything that he or she used helped with the the meaning and the tone of the whole editorial.
I like how this essay was structured clearly with each paragraph talking about a different element of writing. I also like how you included direct evidence for each paragraph. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteJust one thing, in the second paragraph, you wrote, "There was a lot of diction..." Diction refers to the words that an author choses to use, so to say that there is "a lot of diction" doesn't really make sense. Instead, maybe say something about the diction rather than just saying there is diciton. The same thing with syntax, you wrote, "I saw some syntax..." Syntax is the way an author forms sentences, so you can't really say that you "saw some syntax." Again, say something about the syntax.
Other than that, good job!
In the first paragraph, watch out for typos. You typed "compliant" instead of "complaint". You can be some who is compliant. But you can't be a complaint. So just watch out for that.
ReplyDeleteYes, also watch out for your sentence in the second paragraph. You say that "There was a lot of diction...." which, when you think about it, doesn't really make sense. Diction means word choice. Instead, you might have said "There were many examples of striking/intriguing/unusual diction..."
I do agree that "festering" can be an example of a metaphor, which is an example of figurative language, but your reasoning for it was just repeated from an earlier part of the paragraph. You say: "This gives off the feeling that this problem has been around for a while, but it isn't getting any better. The problem is just getting messier." and then you say: "It gives off the feeling that the problem has been around for a while, and that the problem is continuously getting worse, just like something that would be festering." These explanations will not be able to strengthen your argument. Instead, you might say that the problem is festering, like an open wound that hasn't been treated.
In your paragraph about the details, I would like you to explain why you thought the author was trying to state her/his opinion. What was the author trying to say by adding that the "test favors families that can provide their kids with expensive tutors and prep-courses because the test material is not covered in many middle schools."
You should also reinforce your paragraph about syntax. Adding one example of how interesting the syntax was is not enough to make your close reading solid.
I agree with Daphine that your opening sentence in the second paragraph doesn't serve much of a purpose or make much sense. If you combined the first two sentences in the paragraph you would have a much better sentence. A good opening sentence could be: The author uses pejorative diction frequently when referring to the test to show her disapproval of this as a determining factor in admission. I also feel like you are trying to hard to squeeze the terms we learned in class into the story. It is not enough just to say that the diction is pejorative, but instead show the effect the pejorative diction has on the editorial. I think that you used it just a bit too frequently and some varied word choice would be nice. I can also say the same thing about your topic sentence in the third and fourth paragraph. Obviously there are going to be details and syntax in any piece of writing so these sentences don't really accomplish anything and are sort of a waste of space. I would recommend making your opening sentences in each paragraph much more detailed so that they set up the paragraph better. Your opening sentences are way too vague. Overall I enjoyed the setup of your essay and I liked the way that you clearly showed the topic of each paragraph.
ReplyDeleteIn September, your peer reviewers suggested that you work on adding clear topic sentences and paragraphing to your responses to this assignment. I see that you've added paragraphing, and that you're making an effort at topic sentences--remember, though, that your topic sentences should make claims. For next month, work toward a formal third-person (no "I," "me," etc.) argument that has a strong thesis that makes a claim about the author's tone and then use your topic sentences to argue separate claims that support that thesis.
ReplyDelete